“Couples suffer in silence.”

Craig Macartney
Senior Writer

Ottawa is getting a new ministry, a support group for couples struggling with infertility. It’s a challenge affecting around one in six Canadian couples, but infertility is a topic rarely raised in the Church.

“I think every time I have heard someone talk about infertility it has always ended with, ‘and then God blessed us with children.’ While that is really encouraging and what we all want, it isn’t reflective of many stories,” says Helen Reimer, who is working with One Way Ministries to launch the support group.

Reimer and her husband, Mark, have “unexplained infertility”. After seven years of marriage, numerous tests, and several rounds of IVF, doctors do not know why they have been unable to conceive.

“Infertility can be a time when we question God’s love for us, His goodness to us, and if we can indeed trust His promises,” Reimer states. If churches only talk about it in the context of a couple who now has kids, she adds, “it can reinforce the belief that God has forgotten us, or that we are being punished.”

“Like discussing mental health, infertility is considered a taboo subject.”

The upcoming support group aims to be a free, faith-based resource where couples can share their journey, access Biblical resources, talk, and pray with other believers who empathize. They also hope to provide resources and training to help pastors and ministries effectively support couples facing infertility.

“The inspiration came from a phone call from another couple who are also going through an infertility journey.” The two couples had raised the topic separately, and One Way Ministries connected them, Reimer says. “They have a different story to ours, but a lot of the same challenges. We spoke and I think that triggered a sort of confirmation of the need for such a ministry. With One Way Ministries, it actually gives us a platform to be able to reach out and do something.”

The other couple, Graeme Watson and his wife Leslie, have absolute infertility after a medically-necessary hysterectomy.

“Hope is good, and hope is painful.”

“Like discussing mental health, infertility is considered a taboo subject,” says Watson. “Couples suffer in silence. When this profoundly personal struggle is actually talked about, couples experiencing it run the gamut of emotions from frustration to anger to sorrow. They need an open place where they can share their feelings.”

The support group the couples are forming would serve all those feeling the grief of childlessness, whether for medical reasons, from a miscarriage, due to singleness, or because one spouse does not want children.

Reimer is clear, this group is not just for couples who have given up hope. With unexplained infertility, she says she and her husband hope each month, and grieve each month.

“This is for everybody. You could be really early in the journey. I’m still hoping, and I will be very clear that I’m still hoping. I’m 43 years old, so it’s unlikely, but I’m still hoping. Hope is good, and hope is painful. There is space for everybody at different stages on that journey. It always helps to know you’re not alone.”

While the support group is not yet up and running, Reimer is announcing it now because this week (September 12 to 18) is World Childless Week. She also hopes launching the group will help raise awareness about the challenges and often silent pain of infertility.

“Making it more open, more talked about, I’m hoping that will bring a lot of comfort.”